Boredom is dangerous

Boredom is dangerous.  It won’t be an extreme sport that kills me, a stupid drunk mistake, or being kidnapped in a third world country.  It will be boredom.  As reckless as it might sound, I’d rather take risks, feel adrenaline and not have the thoughts of ‘what if…’, always playing in the back of my mind.  What if what?  What if we lived a little?  Today’s society is all about risk assessments and health and safety.  

I’m the type of person that needs to be doing things all the time, that needs to be busy and active.  Recently I’ve realised that the days when I have no plans, when I don’t see anyone outside of my own house, where I spend the majority of it curled up in bed, gives me far too much time to think about how I’m so fucking lonely. When in reality, I’m not at all, it just seems that there is something wired into my brain that makes me feel that way, and when I’m all alone I am unable to convincingly persuade myself otherwise. 

I have to do things that are productive and interesting, it seems where a lot of people are afraid of change, I crave it.  I want to do crazy, stupid, impulsive things, just for the rush, so I can feel like my life is interesting.  So maybe, when you look at it like that, I am just an adrenaline junkie that probably is going to meet their end doing some extreme sport…

 If I take a deep interpretation of death though, I feel like even if boredom is unable to physically harm you, if you’re permanently bored then you’re hardly living at all.  Life is supposed to be exciting after all, the world is what we make it, or so they tell us. 

What I find hard though, is how to keep my mind active all of the time, sometimes when my mind is not entertained, I find it so hard to keep all my thoughts contained, I pace my room trying to think of some way to enjoy a day without plans or friends.  It only takes one day of overactive overthinking to put me right back in that insecure place where I forget all the positives in my life.  It’s in that way that boredom is dangerous to me, it may not be physically harmful, but it can be mentally. 

It’s ridiculous to think that in a world so full of opportunities, so full of campaigns to be fought, and stunningly beautiful sights just waiting to be discovered, that boredom is even a thing, but perhaps boredom is, more often than not, coupled with laziness.  Sometimes, we all get in that frustrating place where we are bored out of our minds, but at the same time we have no energy or resolve to do anything about it, or do anything at all.  I’ve decided for my own mental health I can’t be like that anymore, I need every day from now on to have a purpose.  It doesn’t have to be a big one, but I think if I know that I have a reason to be there in that day, to be present and not just caught up in my head, then that will help ease the boredom I seem to be plagued by. 

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