Is a part of being human, being alone at heart?
Are we all struggling with battles that no one else can see, that makes us different people on the inside?
I feel like I’m lost, and not because I don’t know what I want to do with my life, because I’m pretty certain of that, but because a lot of the time I feel so cripplingly alone it’s suffocating.
I know I’m not, I have good friends, best friends, for the first time in my entire life, I have people who care, that I can talk to. Yet, it’s like this feeling of absolute loneliness is embedded so deep inside of me its never going to matter how many people I have telling me that they’re there for me, I’m always going to be alone inside. It is suffocating.
The worst part is every time I get to a point where I should reach out, talk to a friend, my mind makes up a million reasons why they wouldn’t care, why I shouldn’t bother them, why we’re not as close as I thought we were. The voices in my head make me believe that I have no one, and I still haven’t figured out how to tell them they’re wrong. Maybe because, it had been true for so long it’s hard to believe it’s not anymore.
They say the hardest part is telling someone that you’re struggling. I think the hardest part is to keep telling them.
I think that’s why I started this blog, because talking to people about what you went through in the past seems to be something I’ve mastered, but I still struggle to let people in when it comes to the things that still get to me.
Or is that just a part of being human, that we’re all alone at heart?
One thing we can be certain of, is that we don’t live in a society that is designed to be accepting, but that at least is something we can change. I hope by being more open and accepting of everything and everyone we can put an end to that.
Maybe then, it will not be so difficult to figure out where it is that I, and all of us, belong.